Dept. of Reawakening

Tuesday, 8 August 2017 05:33 pm
kaffyr: Mid-afternoon view from the spirit world train. (Train view)
[personal profile] kaffyr
Hello Again

For so long I haven"t wanted to post - or perhaps more accurately, I've wanted to post, but haven't been able to. Lacking emotional spoons, I suppose. It's a battle to write for work. It's a battle to communicate with my beloved, because my brain's so empty and, despite what some folks say, without a brain you can't express your heart. It's a battle to keep the house clean, even when I have the time; it's hard to think, hard to be creative, hard to connect with other people unless I absolutely have to. 

In short, I am, apparently, pretty depressed.

There's no medication I can take, or adjust, to deal with this. I'm already on meds that have stood me in good stead for some time, and the last time I checked with my shrink, he evinced no interest in changing them, nor did he seem to think I needed any change. Right now, I don't have the energy to consider changing shrinks, so I simply have to battle - there's that word again - myself out of this.

One way to battle depression is to list some of the things I've been doing that are either positive, good, or even funny or remotely out of the ordinary. 

So let's go: 

I've ordered and received five pounds of premium buckwheat hulls. I have therefore been able to refill my three Korean neck pillows, a necessity as the buckwheat hulls break down and the pillows lose their rigidity. I love my neck pillows. I can't sleep without one. 

I've worked on Chapter 28, as I mentioned. 

I've started watching Season 7 of Game of Thrones (many thanks to FB, who gave me his HBO Go password, and with whom I fangirl thereafter.) BB finally admitted that he wasn't in the least interested in watching Seasons 2 through 6 with me, so I'll watch those at my leisure. It's actually a relief; I'd strongly suspected that BB didn't want to watch, and kept telling him he didn't need to, but for the longest time he insisted that he was fine with watching it. 

We're refinancing the condo, something I'm not sure I've mentioned before. I was already going to be in my 70s before the mortgage was up, so extending it out longer, for lower monthly payments and lower interest rates, was a good idea. Many thanks to BB for taking the initiative on that with our mortgage holder. 

We finally, finally got started on getting our wills set up. There's more work to be done, but we've started, and that's a big deal. 

I've gotten through the first season of Sense8, and am embarking on the second season. It's brilliant. 

And there; that's all I can get myself to write about.

How have all of you been?

 

Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 03:28 am (UTC)
masakochan: (Default)
From: [personal profile] masakochan
My sympathies on the medication sometimes not being enough to keep the depression tides away. :(

I've been mostly fine, but I can relate a bit to the apathy.

Oh! Though I did recently get a ticket to go see a Rifftrax presentation of the 25th DW anniversary 'The Five Doctors' at the local theater. I'm still debating on if I want to cosplay as Eleven when I go to it. x]

Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 11:13 am (UTC)
eve11: (Default)
From: [personal profile] eve11
There is one of these Rifftrax things near me as well. I was thinking of going. Five Doctors is a classic but also really rather silly :)

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Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 04:03 am (UTC)
lilacsigil: 12 Apostles rocks, text "Rock On" (12 Apostles)
From: [personal profile] lilacsigil
Good sleep can't hurt, even if it doesn't cure.

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Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 04:18 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] maruad
Funny thing. I was thinking about buckwheat earlier today. Farmers in Manitoba used to grow it (I don't know if they still do or not). The first time I heard of buckwheat was when my brother-in-law used it in the phrase "do you want me to show you where the bear shit in the buckwheat", which was a way of threatening to beat someone. Don't ask me, I don't make them up, I just repeat them.

Anyway I was thinking about how the area, around Ethelbert (Manitoba), was known for it's buckwheat honey. If buckwheat is good for bees and it is easy to plant then I was wondering if it would make a good addition to a bee friendly garden (one that can be harvested and eaten ever year). I know people of Ukrainian descent would use it in cabbage rolls (and other foods) and I seem to remember buckwheat was being exported to Japan (iirc).

Just some random thoughts.

Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 06:18 am (UTC)
editrx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] editrx
Hurray for writing!

I hear you about the medications. Although now I feel like I'm overmedicated: I have situations happen to me where I should and need to have an emotional response, and my only response is either flat or happy happy happy, which is just plain *wrong.*

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Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 08:45 am (UTC)
lost_spook: (cat)
From: [personal profile] lost_spook
*sends some hugs*

And be easy on yourself; nobody can help being ill. (If you were in the UK, I'd be baffled that the doctor didn't give you a sick note for a couple of weeks, but I know these things aren't that simple in the US, for which you also have my sympathies. *more hugs*)

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Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 09:31 am (UTC)
supergee: (actual)
From: [personal profile] supergee
Depression lies. You are valuable and recognized as such.

Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 11:12 am (UTC)
eve11: (Default)
From: [personal profile] eve11
I love when you can list weird things you've ordered because you need them for seemingly completely unrelated things. My favorite was my last job, where we needed to order 100,000 19mm ping pong balls to cover the surface of the water in a tanker trailer truck so it would show up on our sensors.

Sense8 season 1 is really good. I've watched a tiny bit of season 2 as well but need to get back into it.

I am sorry you are feeling unwell. I know for me, increased levels of general stress don't always register in me consciously but they do tend to lead to the same kinds of death-of-1000-cuts brain apathy, even when I am sleeping well. I hope things get better.
Edited Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 11:14 am (UTC)

Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 01:03 pm (UTC)
time_converges: (Default)
From: [personal profile] time_converges
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time! I'm glad you're writing about it. You aren't alone now we're all here for you, too. *hugs *

I'm glad you're getting to watch game of thrones!

Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 02:06 pm (UTC)
liadtbunny: (Sci-fi artwork)
From: [personal profile] liadtbunny
I'm sorry to hear about your depression.

I'm glad you have some good telly to watch and lots of buckwheat!

I'm all right, last week was busy but this week is back to normal. Except for doing art every day of August!

Yay, for fic writing. I wrote most of a ficlet today, haven't been writing much at all this year so that's fun.

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Date: Wednesday, 9 August 2017 09:29 pm (UTC)
shanghaied: sign reading EVERYTHING OF VALUE HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THIS PROPERTY (Default)
From: [personal profile] shanghaied
Since you asked...

Day by day, week by week, I'm withdrawing ever further from the shitehole known as the public internet (social media and what used to be called human-interest pieces, now promoted as hard news by the Beeb and its like). With every withdrawal my life improves and my happiness increases; there's no downside, since email and Wikipedia are separate from that festering puddle of naked-chimpanzee sludge. Given that my use of social media and news sites was already far lower than most people's appears to be, I can only imagine what benefits would come to heavier users who opt for withdrawal. Just saying.

Oh, and do hang on to my email address :-)

Date: Sunday, 13 August 2017 05:23 am (UTC)
sarren: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sarren
*hug* I can't imagine the strength it takes to battle through this.

Sense8 is amazing, glad you love it too, s2 is EPIC. I was crushed when it got cancelled, but at least they've agreed to a movie to wind up the plot.

Date: Monday, 14 August 2017 10:09 pm (UTC)
clocketpatch: A small, innocent-looking red alarm clock, stuck forever at 10 to 7. (Default)
From: [personal profile] clocketpatch
That's not where I expected that buckwheat sentence to end! I'm not certain where I expected it to end, exactly, but I had no idea buckwheat hulls were used as pillow stuffing. Are they cooling, like rice-filled pillows are?

As to the rest, I offer you many hugs. I'm sorry your in a low place, but glad that you have people online and in rl to provide you with support as you make your way through it. Wanting to communicate but not having enough time/brain/motivation to do so is profoundly annoying.

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kaffyr: The TARDIS says hello (Default)
kaffyr

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