Dept. of Goodbye

Sunday, 4 November 2018 04:34 pm
kaffyr: Fantasia - night and the profile of a hill (Dark and lovely)
Philip Cat Morrison

I'll probably be able to say more, later. Not now. 
He's most excellent )
kaffyr: Animated rain falls on the bathhouse from Spirited Away (Bath house in the rain)
Phil

So the cancer has returned in our little black cat. Bob found two lumps along his throat, that popped up seemingly overnight, and he's been lethargic for the last week or so. Took him in to the vet. She did a needle biopsy, looked at it, and apparently told Bob that there was no need to send it to the lab. Bob said she used the word "aggressive" and I guess it won't be long. When he seems to be in bad discomfort or pain, we'll call for the same vet that eased Alex across the bridge to come. 

Last September, the diagnoses we got was such that we were expecting only two to five more months with him. We got so much more than that, so I should feel grateful. We'd actually started wondering if the initial operation, to take the tumor out of his ear, had been more successful than the team told us it was. I guess not. Still, a few extra months with our most excellent pussycat. I need to remember that. 

What a day. What a fucking day. 
kaffyr: (Clara under pressure)
Still Alive

But goodness me, it seems to be taking too much energy.
kaffyr: Hayao Miyazaki's Kiki scrubs the floor in animation (Kiki scrubs)
Write In Haste, Repent at Leisure Hope for More Leisure

I haven't posted at all for a few days, and only once during the Labor Day weekend, which was probably a terrible use of my labor-less time, but I plead stress on all counts, your honors. 

I've been fighting back spasms and general pain for the last five days, and for some reason it has refused to go away. I've gone back to my exercises (did I mention this in my last post?) and have taken many, many trips to our tiny bathtub jacuzzi, but the usual cycle of the pain going away doesn't seem to be repeating properly. We'll see if the weekend helps. 

We'll be flying out to Seattle with Tommy and Lily, Andy's and Em's cats, on Friday night, and will stay there until Tuesday. I'll have five days to completely rest, so I'm hoping that will help lay the back pain to rest, if I haven't gotten it properly under control by then. 

This isn't much of a post, I know, but I wanted to keep an oar in. I'll try to respond to other people's posts (I hope) tonight. 
kaffyr: (Bored in Porco Rosso)
Ack. Or Possibly Gack. 

My back hurts, which is Same Old Same Old. And yesterday, which is when I started this post, suffered as a result. I've been told I really should start my exercises again, which ... tell me something I don't know, you know? I'd just really, really like to know why this happens, rather than "it's the stress." Hell, I had lots of stress when I was 35, and I didn't suffer this kind of back pain. Therefore, I wince, grumble, whinge, and reluctantly decide to go back to at least some of the exercises. As I do every time, and then gradually forget, so I suppose it's my own damn fault.

The only respite I had yesterday watching 
[personal profile] thisbluespirit 's lovely S&S videos, and reading an inordinate amount of The Goblin Emperor fic. I'm somewhat bowled over by the sheer amount of pornfic for the fandom, although I shouldn't be; what is it, Rule 34, 36, or 39? At least one piece is pretty darned good and emotionally satisfying. The rest ... not going to look, because The Goblin Emperor is my comfort novel, about a young, honorable, truly good person, and seeing noncon or outright rape fic concerning him ... that has me noping on out of there. YKINMK, I know, but ... nopity-nope-nope for me. 

I know that the back pain wasn't the sole reason for my unhappiness; I simply couldn't get anything done, and that stressed me out enough for my hands to go painfully numb. 

As for thinking? "Brain and brain — what is brain?"

Dept. of Sunday

Sunday, 11 February 2018 05:23 pm
kaffyr: (Bridge in winter ukiyo-e)
Good Things, Meh Things

It’s Sunday, and I’m sitting in the lobby of a hotel in Oak Lawn, of all places. The good things: I’m here with BB, and we’re waiting for some friends, with whom we’re going to celebrate a birthday. And for a change, we’re early (which is not usually the case when I’m involved.)

The bad: I have a miserable (TMI alert) sore in my mouth that will make it difficult to enjoy the meal. It will also be hard to eat politely or speak without sounding like a drunkard. Still, the company is going to be good. 

Another good thing: I’m almost done with Chapter 29 of Hearts & Moons. A bad thing; it looks as if I’ve written myself into another chapter. Argh.

kaffyr: (Thin Man Christmas)
Vacations and I Do Not Play Well Together. Not Even on Christmas

I mentioned to BB earlier tonight that I don't believe I've had a completely injury- or illness-free vacation in years. And, I said, it's got to be me at fault, not the vacations. (A bit like the nice boy who wonders why he picks so many mean girls who break up with him ... it's not them, buddy ....) 

Blatherings under here )
I am a very silly woman. Then again, I am a silly woman in pain, whose closest relationship over the last 36 hours, other than with her beloved, has been with her heating pad. 

Gah. 

But the Christmas tree still looks beautiful. And my collection of TARDIS ornaments now stands at two, thanks to FB and Miss Em, and that's wonderful. So, pain or not, today has not been a total loss. Also, I've learned a lot about narwhals For Reasons, and that's also cool.  

Dept. of Bad News

Wednesday, 25 October 2017 11:39 am
kaffyr: Animated rain falls on the bathhouse from Spirited Away (Bath house in the rain)
Because Of Course This Would Happen

I got home from last night's meeting this morning at 2:30 a.m., where BB met me with the news that Dr. Wood, Phil's surgeon, had called in my absence. Not only had the tumor gone from "probably cancer" to "definitely cancer," the cancer had metastacized to his lymph nodes. She recommended chemo and radiation. 

We don't have the money. We spent what we could on his ear, after being assured that the tumor was generally localized and taking it out would probably prevent more cancer. I should have paid attention to the "generally" and the "probably," I guess. 

We'll call the oncologist to see if we can get even a rough estimate of expected lifespan. As long as he's not in pain, I don't want to do anything. But once that kicks in, we call the goodbye vet for her second visit to us in a year. 

Learning all of this at 2:30 a.m., and seeing how it affected BB was bad enough. Now I have to write a story from last night's meeting, and my brain is not working. I have a 3 p.m. deadline. I want to get it done before that because I want to crawl into a hole.

Dept. of Pain

Sunday, 17 September 2017 07:40 pm
kaffyr: (Clara didn't ask for this)
Okay, This Is New. And Awful

Pain. Pain. Pain.  )

Dept. of I Aten't Dead

Saturday, 3 June 2017 06:42 pm
kaffyr: Animated rain falls on the bathhouse from Spirited Away (Bath house in the rain)
But I Aten't All That Well, Either

Babbling )
kaffyr: (Clara didn't ask for this)
Things I Did This Weekend

Saving bandwidth, because that's how I usually roll. )

My vacation begins Friday. I can hardly wait. 

Dept. of Union Maid

Wednesday, 29 March 2017 09:20 pm
kaffyr: (Joe Hill)
Union Migraines

I don't know why I leave union meetings of any kind with upset stomachs and headaches. 

Oh, wait. I do. 

Luckily, my bed is awaiting me, and my beloved is giving me tender loving care. He is a jewel among men. 
kaffyr: (Badly Written)
Again, I'm Trying Again

Perhaps I should stop using Twitter; my attention span has melted like snow, and my ability to think cogent, long-form thoughts has melted along with it.  Three times I've tried to write a post worth someone's time; three times I've failed. And we're not talking about the multiple days that I just didn't try to begin with, or the multiple days I didn't read my f'list, or, reading, did not comment. 

Ah, me. As we are wont to say in our house about whinging too damned much: Grumble, grumble, grumble, whale meat again.  

(Hey, it's a thing. A kaffyr and BB and FB thing. ... Ahem ... Perhaps one had to be there?)

In new TMI news, I went through roughly a week of intermittent nausea that became absolutely awful on Saturday. One doctor's visit later, I need to get a gallbladder scan, and I've been told to lose a little weight, cut the caffeine and cut my stress. Cut my caffeine? Eurgh. I already don't drink coffee much anymore. Cut my weight? Yeah, probably. 

Cut my stress?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH—

Oops. Thinking out loud again. 


Dept. of Weariness

Thursday, 21 July 2016 08:12 pm
kaffyr: (Deficiency weekly)
This Is Not a Post

Really, folks. It isn't. It's more to say I'm alive, and that I actually intend to continue conversing with people on my last post - I'm not ignoring anyone, I just haven't had the intellectual vigor to follow up with a couple of folks. 

It's not a post, because if it were a post, I'd have said Happy Birthday, 
[personal profile] gerisullivan !! You're an amazing, creative, smiling, disciplined, fannish force of nature, and I'm very glad I know you! May the 2016-2017 year be a good for you, and may we see more of each other soon. 

It's not a post, because I might say a whole bunch of things about the fire-struck oil-slick that is the RNC. I've been watching it at a remove, by following Twitter. I tried watching one of the early speeches and it raised my blood pressure enough to make me turn off the television.

It's not a post because every single day seems to unleash some awful bit of violence here and abroad - on top of the unending violence and despair in Syria and Iraq, in Somalia, in other places that are just as real as my home, against people who don't deserve it. And I don't have the spoons to consider it.

It's not a post, because it's too damned hot. And the old break in my foot aches from the mugginess. And I'm worried about Alex, the senior ginger partner of our feline triad. He's been throwing up almost every day. I removed any bit of milk from his diet (we used to give him a little bit of milk as a treat on a too-regular basis.) I'm hoping that will help.

It's not a post because - wait, I can say that I'm almost done one more IOU 
[community profile] fandom_stocking  fic. Yes! Something positive! 

And now I'm going to bed. 
kaffyr: (Tired of typesetting)
I Aten't Dead, Mostly

I was supposed to be at a new board meeting tonight, but I'm feeling like crap, and realized it was a migraine (and possibly a cold that started creeping up on me at a meeting I covered last night. So I'm more or less on the couch, feeling miserable, after eating supper, and I realized it's been almost two weeks since I actually posted anything here. So ... well ....

... I'm here. 

I have a fic to post, which might go up tonight. Maybe. If I feel like it. Augh. I still have two more fandom_stocking IOUs to complete, but this isn't one of them. 

I wanted to re-read a particularly powerful and well-written piece of fiction by 
[personal profile] ljgeoff  (hi, my dear!), but my eyes and brain aren't allowing me to do that with the care I want to lavish on it. Instead, I'll send wishes for quick healing.

I wanted to tell the story of how the remarkable 
[personal profile] gerisullivan  helped pass along a tradition of earrings to me, after hearing about the loss of my favorite earrings in Cleveland. Really recount the event the delight and joy it deserves, I mean, because she is such a marvelously creative and overall remarkable human being. But I don't have the spoon, except to say, Geri, you rock, and I'm still enthusing about your gift to me, all these days later. 

I have emails to send out to our unit owners and renters about a water problem that needs to be fixed on Friday. I have to chase after one of the people I represented two weeks ago in a discipline hearing, to see if he can make it to his first stage grievance hearing next week. But right now, I still hurt too bad to do anything more than post here. 

I want to continue reading Paul Cornell's latest dark fantasy police procedural, "Who Killed Sherlock Holmes," which is on its way to being just as good, and scary, as the two previous books. But I can't read much. 

I thought I might comment on the Dems and GOPs as they flounder and founder prior to their national conventions. But I have not the heart to do so. 

I may go and lie down in the dark. Or I may lie here in the living room and chat, slowly, with BB. Not sure which. 

So how are all of you?


Dept. of May Day

Sunday, 1 May 2016 08:05 pm
kaffyr: (Joe Hill)
Happy May Day, Now That It's Almost Over

I had a wonderful evening with BB last night. I enjoyed all the lovely bubbly I had (3 tulip's worth, which probably isn't all that much.)

What I didn't enjoy is the hangover I had. From three glasses of asti spumante. I am so very, very old. 

I can't understand why I don't get any kind of hangover from a gin martini or two, and suffer quite noticeably with the wine.

I did finish my MCU/Who crossover, and it's been posted to the requisite 
[community profile] fandom_stocking  stocking. I hope its recipient likes it.

 
kaffyr: (Badly Written)
There Has To Be a Morning After. Is It Here Yet?

So. Day (checks calendar) four of back pain, Day 2-3 of notable back pain.

What has this taught us,[personal profile] kaffyr ? It's taught us two things: 1) do not, repeat, do not, give up exercises for the holidays and 2) do not make Christmas dinner for nine people ever again, not even if you spread the prep time over two days.

Why? Well, it's possible that I might have survived Christmas dinner prep had I not given up the exercises.Possible, but not probable. 

Brief sort-of-detour; after this Christmas, BB and I realized we simply can't handle that kind of social engagement anymore. It doesn't make us happy to admit it, because the two of us used to love throwing parties and parts of  us still do. But physically, we are simply not up to it, and emotionally it's kind of draining as well. After we (and by "we" I largely mean BB and my lovely FB) got the place cleaned up post-Christmas, we sat in the livingroom, looked at each other, and said "That's the last one."

End of sort-of-detour. For me, the damage was more immediate. the simple act of standing at the kitchen counters and table prepping, mixing, etc., is dangerously apt to coax spasms out of retirement. Even hiking our table up a couple of inches so that I don't have to bend over so much doesn't help enough. And without my exercises to keep the relevant muscles in shape ... well, welcome back, back spasms. 

They've been kind of bad since Monday. I've used our teeny-tiny jacuzzi bathtub three times in fewer than 24 hours because that affords me some temporary relief, and I've gone back to doing my exercises with a vengeance. That helps too. Most drug relief I hold off on until bedtime if at all possible because I get some of it from BB and I don't want to be profligate with his largesse. 


And I know I'm a fan, because the thing that bothers me most about this is that the pain is keeping me from writing, and 
[community profile] fandom_stocking 's reveal date is speeding toward me. I've only got two stories done, although a third is in process. I want to get four or five more done. Help me, fandom godlets,you're my only hope! GAH! 
kaffyr: (Stahma)
Wasn't That a Week? Yup. It Was. 

I am fighting with the first mouth sore I've had in several months. I'm not overly upset, because it is, after all, the first one in several months. Still, it's hard eating or drinking anything without pain, so I am allowing myself to feel a bit sorry for myself. Bob made some of his very special winter oatmeal, with all sorts of yummy things in it, and that was my supper. 

I had a reasonable week (except for the Tuesday meeting FROM
 HELL about which I've already spoken. I think I'm getting an idea of how to deal with my uber-boss, who's still my immediate boss. Why? Because the fellow they're bringing in from Far, Far Away, may end up being handed a different job within the company. And his arrival on our shores is apparently taking more time than was originally expected. If they have to hire someone from the vast pool of unemployed local editors, that would please me, I think. Anyhow, yes, I'm dealing with her a little better. 

I have somewhere over four paragraphs of Chapter 26 written. I'm not sure these will end up being the lead paragraphs in the chapter, but they'll be somewhere in there. This will be a chapter with numerous scene and POV changes, I think; I don't want it to end up too choppy or hurried, but I think a lot needs to get done. 

I went with my friend Rose on Friday to see Roxane Gay, author of, among other things, "Bad Feminist." I haven't read it yet, but based on the conversation she held on stage with her interviewers made me think I should get her book, at least from the library. She had some very interesting things to say about being a woman in academe, for instance, and about being a black, large-bodied, queer, really, really smart woman in academe.

I also liked the way she handled the Q&A session. Those can be really uncomfortable for listeners and for the person who has to answer the questions. I sat through one session after a dance recital, for instance, when the guest, the choreographer, had to endure a woman who grabbed the mic and wouldn't relinquish it, while she droned on and on, the only person in the auditorium to enjoy the sound of her voice. 

Gay didn't have to endure that; she got no more than a couple of so-so questions, and the rest were thoughtful and aimed at her, rather than aimed at the rest of the audience in order to show how cool the questioner was. The audience's reward was hearing her in full-on good teacher mode: listening with respect to the questions, while still being able to show a bit of asperity with questioners, answering their question, but also giving some further information that might suggest to the questioner that they'd asked the wrong question. I love that in a teacher. 

So, yeah, tl;dr: I'm going to find either "Bad Feminist" or perhap's Gay's fiction, so that I can get a better feel for her. 

Dept. of Rage

Thursday, 1 October 2015 03:28 pm
kaffyr: A typical day in the BSG!verse (Frakkin' Watchtower)
So. Again.

There's this. Again. Again. 

3-2-1:

"Now's not the time to talk about gun control, in this moment of tragedy."
"It was just a lone madman."
"If they'd only had guns, because gun-free zones are dangerous."
"Background checks will bring black helicopters to our doors!"*
"Because Second Amendment!"
"Because Freedom!!"**
"Because Obaaaaaaaama!"
"We'll keep telling our (fewer than advertised) members to shout down opposition. They're cheap."
"We'll keep doing this while the gun and ammo companies keep paying Wayne's and our salaries."


If they like guns so much, I have a suggestion ...

... and the very fact that I just wrote that uncivilized and unforgivable sentence tells you how angry and fucking fed up I am. 

Fuck. The. NRA. 

And no, this is my journal. This is one of the rare, the very rare, times that I will pull rank. You want to argue about this? Really? Do not tempt me.

* Yes, yes, we know. Your safe full of guns of all types is going to help keep you free from the evil government and their jackboots. In the 21st century. The government that has tanks and drones. Right. You and your camo-wearing buddies just keep on watching "Red Dawn" and wanking off to your little 15-year-old otaku mecha fantasies. Your Second Amendment wet dreams are just that. The Second Amendment - I do not think it means what Wayne LaPierre has told you it means.
**See above. 





kaffyr: Umbrella's, figure rise in a field; from Magritte? (umbrellas rise)
Stress, Strawberries, Fried Rice and Fanfic

While painkillers and bossanova help me forget the incipient back spasm that is, even now, trying to decide whether it will come to stay awhile, I'll belatedly try to catch people up on life at Casa 
[personal profile] kaffyr 

Under a cut, yo ) Also? I hate that I seem to have lost my ability to do cuts. Just hit'em all to see what I wrote. Gah.

Dept. of Aargh

Monday, 20 April 2015 12:20 pm
kaffyr: (Clara didn't ask for this)
 Tee Em Aieeee

Just had to vent about it here. No need to look. )Nothing more to add. Move along, now, nothing to see here, especially nothing you'd actually want to see. 



kaffyr: The Polar Bear from Polar Bear cafe (Polar Bear-san)
A Small Roundup of Things

A gracious good morning to you all! I am up bright and early, or at least as close to bright and early as I am apt to get up, and I thought I'd start the week by making my brain work. Remarkable things, brains; if you're willing to actually force them to think linearly, to make them create sentences that have proper punctuation and a real beginning, middle, and end, why then they're apt to get more flexible, and are much more apt to work better, than if you stare at a game of solitaire all day.And that's why I'm posting at this unusual point in the day for  me. 

Come on brain; you've got a lot of work to do, so let's do it!

First (but not in any particular order), I made a stew this weekend which was the first stew I've made without using a recipe. Well, to be fair, the day before I put it together, I browsed through some various stew recipes, from gumbo and beef bourguinon to cassoulet, just to get a better handle on the process, but I didn't crack a book the day I made it. And it turned out very tasty. I am pleased. 

Next, I've got two fics started; one is an IOU for fandom_stocking and one was based on a prompt for a fic contest. The deadline for that contest is tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern time, so I can pretty much forecast that the story won't be entered into the contest, because I am glacially slow, but the prompt did what it was supposed to do; it prompted me. All of this activity is, I hope, helping my brain (remember my flaccid brain what I am attempting to exercise? Yeah, that brain) kick into Chapter 25 of H&M. 

Speaking of which, I have begun to think that I need a new name for that story. The name no longer applies. I must think on that. 

Rather TMI on mouth/medical issues.  )

I have an extremely busy week coming up, but I hope to post a little more regularly. (Yeah, yeah, I know. The same old song and dance from 
[personal profile] kaffyr .)

Oh yes, I'm also looking forward to Age of Ultron. Very, very much. 

And that, I think, is the end of this extraordinarily boring post. If I can think of other amusing things, I shall endeavor to post them a little later in the day. I hope you all have excellent Mondays, and excellent weeks!
kaffyr: Rory and Amy having a rabbit hole day (Rabbit hole day)
Well, of Course

whinging about my back )Enough of this. Think about Agent Carter and Akatsuke no Yona instead, woman!
kaffyr: Rory and Amy having a rabbit hole day (Rabbit hole day)
 Just Two Things

  • Happy almost-belated birthday to the estimable [livejournal.com profile] beamjockey; I hope your day was great!
  • I hate Microsoft Outlook. That is all. 
  • OK, three things: did you know that the art of fixing a water main is actually pretty darned interesting? No, you did not. But I know, because I learned about it today. And took pictures of a broken water main being repaired. I even got hit in the head by a small bit of rock that was being blown out of the hole by a huge water sucking vacuum. Physics, baby ....
  • OK four things. Dreamwidth isn't letting me make bullet points tonight. Argh. EDIT: now it is. Yay.
  • And four: my mouth hurts, Bert! 
kaffyr: (Side-eyeing Coulson)
Very Quick Things
  • Cold on the way out, back spasm threatening. I will threaten it back, and frighten it way the hell out away from my muscles.
  • BB's thyroid biopsy came back negative for cancer. Since the tests indicate some thyroid problems, there may still be a connection to his ongoing fever, etc. We will find out when we talk to his doctor later this month. In the meantime, we are glad it isn't cancer. If that sounds less than ecstatic, it's only because we still don't have an answer to what is making his life miserable. Sometimes you can get so desperate to find out the reason for an illness that you begin to eye something definite with something uncomfortably close to approbation.
  • Saw the first half of the Who finale, Dark Water. I am willing to wait to see what the second half brings; I enjoyed it more than BB did, and he didn't not enjoy it. Was not surprised by the reveal, since I (and practically everyone else) had spotted that one from, oh, the first episode of S08. I'm reasonably pleased by it although I have never had the great affection for the character in question that others have. (Fascination and appreciation, yes, and some thoughts on the character's evolution, but not affection.) Why am I being this obtuse when everyone on my list who wants to see it has seen it? Because some of them may not have, so I'm trying not to be spoilerific.
  • And, out of nowhere, and thanks to posts elsewhere, all the scattered thoughts I've been having, the "I know there's a meta inside me waiting to get out" thoughts, the ones that have been swimming around aimlessly and without direction throughout this season (one I've regarded as extremely variable in quality, one I've been surprised to see viewed as a near masterwork by a lot of people I respect), have finally started coalescing. Mind you, that could be a mistake on my part. I thought they were coalescing around episode 3 and they didn't. So I shouldn't promise anything ....
  • Tomorrow, I get to go down to the legendary and fearsome Tribune Tower, to meet my new owners. Yes, it's on a deadline day, but they did at least apologize for making the mass meeting a last minute thing. More, after that happens.

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